Hooray for a New Year!

How I mark the start of the New Year is with a new calendar. I take down the old one and take a few moments to look over each month and remember all that I did and who I met. As I sat with this year's calendar in my lap I realized it was such a rocky, trying year that I am so glad to say goodbye to. Here it is in recap in calendar form. I love calendars and am thinking of creatively making some... I think because I love the process of putting things in order. Or something like that.

January: 

:( spent a good amount of time waiting. Waiting for calls from resumes I sent in to schools for interviews. Waiting to get called to sub. And a good general wasting of time on the phone and by the phone talking to people who turn out to be...scum.. for lack of a better word. 

:( Working in a job that paid way less than I was worth, the job was worth, and way less hours than I should have had. The free time I did have was not enjoyed very well either to the fact that I felt guilty for not working more. A general time of chasing my tail. 

February: 

:( A pretty heart wrenching month for me. I had to put my sweet kitty Nutmeg down because of cancerous cells that where taking over her body. 

:) Spent some time with my family and friends.
:( More waiting for interviews and working as a sub and low paying job. Kind of just floating along. 

March: 

:) my birth month and time that has always led to rebirth and healing for me. That which it did especially by the help of two great friends who are married to each other. They helped me through a lot. 

:)Spring was coming and I could all most taste the promise of new beginnings of the heart, the soul and a career. I knew it was all so close. 

:) Discovered chicken wings and flan and margaritas go great together!

April: Ahhh.. Spring!

:/ A funky extremely quick friendship that came and went faster than I could say Happy Easter. 

:)But because of this person I learned so much about myself, my character, who I wanted to be, who I was, and that I am a beautiful being no matter what anyone said. 

:) Also I was beginning to discover my backyard, the Eastern Promenade again which was such a blessing. 

:) Experimenting with new spring plants in the dye pot. Forsythia, and rose-hips. 

May: True spring. 

:) Learning to celebrate the sweet times with friends and family again. I remember a particular barbq at my dad's that ended with marshmellows on children. 

:)One of my favorite moments/ days was the knitting trade show my boss took me too. I loved going and it really lifted my spirits. 

:)Two pretty huge monumental events happened this month as well. One of which I mentioned in my earlier post was meeting Peter Hagerty of Peace Fleece. It was his companies materials which I learned to spin with. My history with my love of fiber reaches further back to my childhood.
:) I met a really wonderful person, Pesh from Kurdistan. 

June: 

:)The beginning of a summer exploring Maine with someone who was new to so much. Sharing all my favorite spots and just meandering around town and on nature trails and down by the water was blissfull...even as I continued to apply for the retched jobs that never answered back. I had more strength and grace than I thought. 

July: 

:) Heart continued to expand. 

:)I made a career choice to try preschool again in order to just make more money. I could barely make my rent and other basic payments. My Father continued to be a great source of support and encouragement, as did all my family. At the end of the month I left the fiber gallery to work at a Montessori school. Kind of bittersweet, but it had to be done. I really wanted to feel more excited about this new venture but something deep inside me was telling me something else. 

:( Also, I spent a good part of the month battling the retched bed bugs

:( It took a huge toll on me emotionally. 

:) On July 4th as a sit on the side walk in my hometown of Bowdoinham at 9 in the morning, one 4 year old Lucy (my niece) informs me that "mommy has another baby in her belly. !!!!! Shannon is expecting her 3rd for this spring.

August: 

:) I spent 4 days as an instructor at a fiber retreat for adults in Washington Maine getting to know lovely people. It was amazing and I hope I can do it again next year. It was such a wonderful experience for me! So. Much. Fun!! 

:/ When I got back I started my new job at the school. But after a week, I soon realize why my gut was not as happy for me as all my friends and family. 

September: 

:) Enjoying as much of the last bits of warmth and sun as possible. 

:( However my anxiety starts to make an appearance in a new form. I start having a lot of trouble sleeping and I feel consumed in a way that I hadn't felt since I worked at Bowdoin College Children's Center. Lots of calls to my mom.  

:) Cadence Joan is born to my best friends! Such a blessing. 

October: 

:( Continued anxiety about work. 

:O Relationship tested by a car accident which brings us closer.
:) I start to become aggressive about finding other work. 

:) Have a great experience doing a natural dye demonstration at the Boothbay Botanical Gardens- demonstrating how to use natural dyes from plants to dye wool with wonderful women. 

November: 

:'( Have a bit of an emotional break down and realize it is definitely due to stress about work and decide I can't allow anything or anyone to do that to me. Even myself. 

:) I take a leap and apply for a new job even though it made me nervous to do so. This time I got a call back. And a 2nd, and 3rd and 4th. All for the same job. 

:) Pesh comes to Thanksgiving at my mom's. A great feeling to celebrate a holiday with someone when it is their first time celebrating that holiday. 

December: 

:)I spend the month celebrating Christmas by soothing myself with Christmas music. 

:) I learn more about the Islam faith. 

:) Spend Christmas with Pesh whose first time it was to celebrate Christmas. I also end the month by giving my notice as a preschool teacher to put my degrees to work with a great non profit company. SO SO SO SOOOOOO Happy and excited about this new chapter in my life. 

:) Lots of lessons learned through this experience. We all need to recognize what we are worth and live accordingly. 

Now I sit here pondering over my small list New Year's resolutions. Create a simpler life and schedule to  unplug, cook, create, walk. Forming a plan for each of those things. 

That's it. I've wrapped up my year and I'm so ready to say goodbye to it and start a whole new one, fresh, with so much love, light, and hope in my life. 

Happy New Year!!

A Week of Connections.

A few weeks ago my life started to take an interesting turn. A turn towards inspiration, productively, new friendships and just the kind of turn that I knew I was headed for. It finally started to happen. Let me explain.

 I am someone who believes in the power of positive thinking, the kind of thinking that if you put it out there in the universe, if you want it bad enough, no matter how impossible something feels, it will happen.... Or something like what you imagined.

With in 1 week I experienced a continuos flow of meeting new people, making new friends, having meetings, friends sending me information, and a general running into situations, all of which involved sheep, education, textiles, the Maine economy of past and present, and places very.far.away.

Though I keep my life very full of activity- side note here- my mother calls this kind of living, "Burning the candle at both ends." "I can't help it!" I say. Ok side note over- I keep my life full and because I do, I don't always make room for processing. For sorting my thoughts. For making a plan on what to do next. However, I'm learning I must do this if I have any hope of getting to where I know I belong, or where I long to be. More soon....

Also, the photo is from a day when my fiber life seemed to come full circle. The week I speak of was the one before Memorial Day Weekend. The man in this photo is Peter Haggerty, the founder of Peace Fleece http://www.peacefleece.com/ 10 years ago I learned to spin with a drop spindle made in Turkey and with wool a mixture of which was from the Middle East, Russia and Maine which I got from Peace Fleece. As I met and watched Peter Haggerty shear a sheep outside the store I work at www.portlandfibergallery.com I became so filled with emotion that when the time came for me to actually speak to him, I couldn't for several minutes in fear of bursting into tears. But after listening to him and my boss talk, I was able to relax and tell him just how much what he does mean to me and how it helped change my life.

The Ebb & FLow of Life

The following comes from a link my mother passed onto me this morning and I found that not only did it speak to me but it reminded me of what I talked about in my pervious post. It comes from the website: charityfocus.org

If Sameness is a Demand We Make.
When I lived in Hawaii, if the temperature dropped to 65 degrees Fahrenheit, we felt we had been hit with serious winter. In California, 41 degrees was enough to cause complaints. Here in Canada those temperatures are considered balmy when they occur in January and we celebrate the warm weather!

It is all relative to what we consider normal. Deviations from the norm are either something we resist or welcome. What determines our reaction is how much our “norm” includes the possibility of change, surprise, unexpected occurrences. In Calgary we know that the Chinook winds will surely come and raise the temperatures dramatically a few times every winter. We count on that change to be part of our “norm.”

If sameness is a demand we make of our partner, our job, our children, our friends, our world, then we are going to be seriously challenged when the inevitable happens. People grow; they evolve; change their minds, rethink their politics, get new jobs, move to different cities. They find new friends, gain or lose weight, take up yoga while we sit in front of the TV. If we feel a loss or a threat from their growth, it is time to expand our sense of what “normal” is.

As the song says “Everything must Change. Nothing stays the same.” The temporariness of form or experience is something we can rely upon, absolutely. It is in the variations of weather, the ups and downs of relationships, the shift from toddler to teen, the necessity of learning new skills, that keeps us in harmony with the nature of things. A kind of non resisting ability to let things flow is a high awareness and a healthy way to live. Knowing that change will surely come, we are more likely to treasure the moment and celebrate it now."

--Rev. Carol Carnes

Morning walk.

This morning I decided to buck up and take a walk. I check the temp, bundled up, got my favorite station ready on pandora (Jaymay), and my camera. It was wonderful to be out and move through the air!

I'm committing myself to doing this everday. Now I have to because I just put it out there. I walked down Eastern Prom, around the gazebo, down the hill, not having any destination in mind- just that I knew I wanted to walk for at least 30 minutes. As my face started to burn with the bitter cold as I walked further down the hill, I reached the bottom, turned the corner and... warmth.... or my face becoming numb. Either way, it felt great. Walking into the sun between the tracks and the water. My pace picked up and I was off. While listening to Jaymay, the Weepies, Ingrid Michaelsen. Thoughts started to filter in and out of my mind for what my day would be and further plans for my life. I reached the trail path that leads back up to my apartment. Several stone stairs. I ran up all of them, hurting slightly in my thighs and not breathing as heavily as I thought I would or at least as much as I would have if I walked up the stairs. I stood for a moment at the iron gate breathing and stretching my hips. I looked down the steps where I had just run up and was surprised what I had just done. Realizing also that when life looked a bit bleak, I just had to grab it and tackle it.

It's amazing what happens when we linger a little too long at a cross roads. If we linger too long in the negitive space of our own hearts and minds, it will manifest into a hardship. If we look at it from the other end of failing is not an option for me, it becomes success.

Encouragement

Encouargement is sometimes the best medicine. The best motivation. Thank goodness for friends and family and loved ones who support and believe in us. Because sometimes life gets to be just a bit too tricky which then can quickly snowball into great hardship if we ride along the negitive thought process. We really need each other in our lives to help lift us up when we are surrounded in our own overwhelming thoughts.

As my younger sister has always told me and of which I need to remember everyday:
Do not breath life into something you do not want.

Simple, really.