Heart Mending

If you know me well, you know I am not with out emotion. Everything I experience weather I choose to participate or not, I have an emotional reaction to it. Emotions are what color our lives. They bring ebb and flow. They bring in the new and get rid of the old. They help guide us. To have none or to always make decisions based on logic can rob us of truly living. Truly loving. Even the emotions that bring pain, sadness and sorrow, just like tears, they too have a very special job of clearling out what is not needed in our lives anymore. I've been meditating on this last thought over the last few days as I tried to sort out the reasons someone close to me decided to leave my life. I had spent so much time anticipating this that when it finally happened, it still shocked and hurt. But as my week came to an end and a new one was beginning I could feel the weight of a choice I had to make. I could choose to continue to wonder about something I would never know, which would only bring me mroe sadness or... I could do something else. Live my life.

It took a while on Monday, but I eventually realized what I needed to do. While on my morning walk Monday morning I took the route to the East End Beach. It was low tide and I walked slowly along trying to spot the clear shapes almost hidden in the sparkle of the sand. As I knelt down to pick up my first piece, a rather stout dog trotted over to me and head butted me in my left hip. I didn't fall over but thought it was rather funny and it made me smile. Which was a nice change. It was also hard not to be hopeful in the kind of day where it was nearly 50 degrees at 8:00 in the morning. The sun made everything look brand new. And hopeful.
That same evening I did something I had been meaning to since the summer. I learned the Tango. And it was fabulous. Every other Monday at the North Star Cafe here in Portland, there are Tango lessons offered for $5 and then a live band plays. I danced with several partners and with each dance, it felt more and more natural... to be having such a simple and elegant conversation with a stranger that was solely based on the trust of movement and sinking together into the sound of the music. Completely Beautiful.

I am so thankful to myself that I got out of the house, away from my sadness and made myself try something new and kind of freightening. It was empowering, I plan on going back and learning more, and not only was it a fantastic start to my week, but really a new chapter for my life.