Monday, December 27, 2010

Hooray for a New Year!

How I mark the start of the New Year is with a new calendar. I take down the old one and take a few moments to look over each month and remember all that I did and who I met. As I sat with this year's calendar in my lap I realized it was such a rocky, trying year that I am so glad to say goodbye to. Here it is in recap in calendar form. I love calendars and am thinking of creatively making some... I think because I love the process of putting things in order. Or something like that.

January: 
:( spent a good amount of time waiting. Waiting for calls from resumes I sent in to schools for interviews. Waiting to get called to sub. And a good general wasting of time on the phone and by the phone talking to people who turn out to be...scum.. for lack of a better word. 
:( Working in a job that paid way less than I was worth, the job was worth, and way less hours than I should have had. The free time I did have was not enjoyed very well either to the fact that I felt guilty for not working more. A general time of chasing my tail. 

February: 
:( A pretty heart wrenching month for me. I had to put my sweet kitty Nutmeg down because of cancerous cells that where taking over her body. 
:) Spent some time with my family and friends.
:( More waiting for interviews and working as a sub and low paying job. Kind of just floating along. 

March: 
:) my birth month and time that has always led to rebirth and healing for me. That which it did especially by the help of two great friends who are married to each other. They helped me through a lot. 
:)Spring was coming and I could all most taste the promise of new beginnings of the heart, the soul and a career. I knew it was all so close. 
:) Discovered chicken wings and flan and margaritas go great together!

April: Ahhh.. Spring!
:/ A funky extremely quick friendship that came and went faster than I could say Happy Easter. 
:)But because of this person I learned so much about myself, my character, who I wanted to be, who I was, and that I am a beautiful being no matter what anyone said. 
:) Also I was beginning to discover my backyard, the Eastern Promenade again which was such a blessing. 
:) Experimenting with new spring plants in the dye pot. Forsythia, and rose-hips. 

May: True spring. 
:) Learning to celebrate the sweet times with friends and family again. I remember a particular barbq at my dad's that ended with marshmellows on children. 
:)One of my favorite moments/ days was the knitting trade show my boss took me too. I loved going and it really lifted my spirits. 
:)Two pretty huge monumental events happened this month as well. One of which I mentioned in my earlier post was meeting Peter Hagerty of Peace Fleece. It was his companies materials which I learned to spin with. My history with my love of fiber reaches further back to my childhood.
:) I met a really wonderful person, Pesh from Kurdistan. 

June: 
:)The beginning of a summer exploring Maine with someone who was new to so much. Sharing all my favorite spots and just meandering around town and on nature trails and down by the water was blissfull...even as I continued to apply for the retched jobs that never answered back. I had more strength and grace than I thought. 

July: 
:) Heart continued to expand. 
:)I made a career choice to try preschool again in order to just make more money. I could barely make my rent and other basic payments. My Father continued to be a great source of support and encouragement, as did all my family. At the end of the month I left the fiber gallery to work at a Montessori school. Kind of bittersweet, but it had to be done. I really wanted to feel more excited about this new venture but something deep inside me was telling me something else. 
:( Also, I spent a good part of the month battling the retched bed bugs
:( It took a huge toll on me emotionally. 
:) On July 4th as a sit on the side walk in my hometown of Bowdoinham at 9 in the morning, one 4 year old Lucy (my niece) informs me that "mommy has another baby in her belly. !!!!! Shannon is expecting her 3rd for this spring.

August: 
:) I spent 4 days as an instructor at a fiber retreat for adults in Washington Maine getting to know lovely people. It was amazing and I hope I can do it again next year. It was such a wonderful experience for me! So. Much. Fun!! 
:/ When I got back I started my new job at the school. But after a week, I soon realize why my gut was not as happy for me as all my friends and family. 

September: 
:) Enjoying as much of the last bits of warmth and sun as possible. 
:( However my anxiety starts to make an appearance in a new form. I start having a lot of trouble sleeping and I feel consumed in a way that I hadn't felt since I worked at Bowdoin College Children's Center. Lots of calls to my mom.  
:) Cadence Joan is born to my best friends! Such a blessing. 

October: 
:( Continued anxiety about work. 
:O Relationship tested by a car accident which brings us closer.
:) I start to become aggressive about finding other work. 
:) Have a great experience doing a natural dye demonstration at the Boothbay Botanical Gardens- demonstrating how to use natural dyes from plants to dye wool with wonderful women. 

November: 
:'( Have a bit of an emotional break down and realize it is definitely due to stress about work and decide I can't allow anything or anyone to do that to me. Even myself. 
:) I take a leap and apply for a new job even though it made me nervous to do so. This time I got a call back. And a 2nd, and 3rd and 4th. All for the same job. 
:) Pesh comes to Thanksgiving at my mom's. A great feeling to celebrate a holiday with someone when it is their first time celebrating that holiday. 

December: 
:)I spend the month celebrating Christmas by soothing myself with Christmas music. 
:) I learn more about the Islam faith. 
:) Spend Christmas with Pesh whose first time it was to celebrate Christmas. I also end the month by giving my notice as a preschool teacher to put my degrees to work with a great non profit company. SO SO SO SOOOOOO Happy and excited about this new chapter in my life. 
:) Lots of lessons learned through this experience. We all need to recognize what we are worth and live accordingly. 

Now I sit here pondering over my small list New Year's resolutions. Create a simpler life and schedule to  unplug, cook, create, walk. Forming a plan for each of those things. 

That's it. I've wrapped up my year and I'm so ready to say goodbye to it and start a whole new one, fresh, with so much love, light, and hope in my life. 

Happy New Year!!


4 comments:

MandiCrocker said...

I didn't know you had a blog, Miss! I love it! :)

Also love this idea of going through each month... gosh, such a CRAZY year. I just don't know how to put any of it into words-- this 'order' you create very well is a beautiful way to do it! Much love, lady!!! :)

Rachel Bingham said...

Thanks Mandi! It took a while but I think something else was driving me inside to just get it all out so I could be done. It was SO therapeutic. I know I don;t even need to ask this- but you have seen Julie and Julia right. I'm sure you own it. I watched it again today and it kind of nudged me to make a little more of an effort to do this and to remember to do it how ever I wanted. There are no rules to blogging! Check this one out too- it's my sisters: philigry.blogspot.com
much love to you too!

MandiCrocker said...

YES!!! Looooove both the book and the movie! And you're sooo right about doing exactly what you want. I used to edit what I'd say and try to make it like other blogs I've seen... and it occurred to me that I probably enjoy it more than my readers-- so there's only one opinion that matters really. :) Very excited to read more, Miss!!!

Juliette said...

Nice to see an update from you! (ha, and I had just read Mandi's update as well) I hope 2011 brings new - happy- jobs for both of you, I know that's not easy.

Greetings from Germany!